Tuesday, 26th March, 2019

Airlines resort to shenanigans to cut costs

01, Jul 2013 By Dumb doc

After the low-cost carrier, GoAir publicly announced its plans to recruit only air hostesses henceforth as its cabin crew instead of male flight pursers, in a bid to stem the rising costs of operations, other carriers have also followed suit and announced a slew of measures in order to cut costs.

Beautiful air hostesses have long been a source of NSP for fliers and the owners alike

GoAir adopted this policy because females, being lighter than their male counterparts, help reduce the total weight on board the aircraft.

But interestingly, the move has not found favour with other carriers as their management believes that such a move may actually result in a proportionate increase in the number of male fliers, which may even lead to a possible security situation, especially for flights flying out of the capital!

As more and more airlines begin to charge extra amount for premium services like preferential seating, meals, etc., NSP Airways, taking a cue from Faking News, have now decided to charge an accessibility fee from its male fliers for providing them the opportunity to ogle at admire their beautiful air hostesses.

“Let’s be honest here; our beautiful air hostesses have always been a source of nain sukh prapti for our male customers. It’s only fair that we add a charge for this service”, NSP CEO Mr Cheapo Singh explained the rationale behind the move.

Another airline, OnlyAir has decided to do away with non-vegetarian meals, and serve only veggies and beans on board. Its CEO, Mr Phartmann elaborates the science behind this move: “This innovative scheme has a two-fold advantage – First, it promotes breaking of wind (farting, in more politer terms), whose inflammable gases can be easily harnessed by turning off air-conditioning and burnt to serve as fuel, and second, it will deter people from smuggling; apart from making the aircraft lighter, of course!”

Special seating on board
Special seating made possible by Fevicol

The newer kid on the block, ChutyaGo airlines has partnered with Fevicol in order to provide special seating for the overbooked passengers on the aircraft, thereby promising to provide an experience “akin to flying on Aladdin’s magic carpet” as its premium service, as standing rooms become passé.

Other notable improvements in aircraft mechanics might help airlines to cut taxing costs during take-off and landing:

Meanwhile, some passengers aboard the OnlyAir flights have complained of bland-tasting colas being served on some of its flights. When contacted, one of its officials said on condition of anonymity: “The waste disposal technology on some of our flights has been sourced from the Indian Railways, a pioneer in cost cutting. In the new system, the solid waste is simply ejected out while mid-air, while the liquid is recycled and served on board.”