Sunday, 20th October, 2019

On public demand, Chinese-Italian medical team to perform world's first head transplant on KRK

01, Oct 2015 By Flying Table Fan

Soon after a team of Chinese-Italian doctors shared their plans to perform an experimental head transplant, an overwhelming number of Twitter users filed an online petition urging the medical team to carry out their path-breaking experiment on KRK.

Speaking to Faking News, one of the signatories said, “When someone’s twitter bio reads– actor/producer/critic, you don’t expect a Tsunami survivor staring at you from his Twitter profile. A change of head for KRK would restore our faith in human evolution and we wouldn’t be forced to start our day on a depressing note, looking at his mugshot on Twitter. That’s why we are trying to make our voice reach the concerned medical team and we wouldn’t stop till this becomes a mass movement”, he placed a hand on his chest and looked up into the sky, “This is our once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to give back to the society”, he concluded with a patriotic undertone in his voice.

KRK requesting Fakingnews:
KRK requesting Fakingnews: “While SRK is busy with Hair Transplant, I am going ahead with the first ever Head Transplant of the world. But please don’t put my removed head on anyone. I wish to retain that”.

Film fraternity echoed the sentiments and unanimously agreed that this is a move in the right direction; however, a section of Bollywood celebrities opposed it, fearing their names too could be recommended for the procedure in coming years. And hence, the likes of Ashmit Patel, Vindu Dara Singh, Azaz Khan, et al., took to the streets, holding placards that read, “Justice for KRK,” but were heavily outnumbered.

We asked Ren Xiaoping, who would be leading the medical team, whether this violates medical ethics or not and he said, “The subject himself approached us and demanded a new head, failing which he threatened to block us on Twitter. We were petrified. The entire team spent a sleepless night and the next day we communicated to him that we would oblige to his demand. We are praying that he received our message”, he looked visibly shaken as he clarified.

Many believe that the surgery would give him a new lease of life, as upon successful completion of the procedure, he wouldn’t be chased by dogs anymore, security guards outside shopping malls wouldn’t search his bags repeatedly, people wouldn’t ask him questions like, “Bhaiya, Yeh Auto Aap Ka Hai?” Usage of words and phrases, including but not restricted to Kutte, Kaminey, and Ghar Mein Maa Behen Nahi Hai Kya, would reduce substantially on Twitter, and the word Chutiya would slowly disappear from the lexicon of many and would eventually become an archaic term due to lack of use.

Sources close to KRK confirmed the news and told us that he took the decision after realizing that his face automatically brings out the animal in everyone. As a result, his each tweet yields hundreds of replies, primarily comprising of abuses, which he endures, like a crow braving s a thunderstorm, sitting on an electric wire, for half an hour before he tweets again and the same process follows.

He is hoping that the surgery would transform his life. His only concern, though, is that the Chinese mobile company that manufactured the artificial head in record time, after all living beings refused to swap heads with him, has used all the accessories available in their warehouse, and head retained some of the features of a mobile phone including a torch.