Encouraged by the social media response to its “jeep ride” to a Kashmiri pelter, the Indian Army has decided to make it a standard operating procedure. It has now roped in members of the secular brigade to give jeep rides that are more meaningful and attractive targets to the demoralized stone pelters of Kashmir.
Speaking to Faking News, the Army spokesperson has provided a list of eminent India haters who it intends to give jeep rides so they can rant more loudly in TV debates from first-hand experience.
Here is the list and the Army’s objectives.
1. Sagarika Ghose – The Army feels pelters will be at a loss when they can’t pronounce the name of their target. Pelters will have to swallow their own stones to even pronounce her name in authentic Bengali: Shaa go rika ghosh.
2. Shashi Tharoor: The pelters will have a tough time aiming at the suave, erudite, Queen’s English argot spouting Shashi. As Shashi will be busy answering Arnab’s questions on Sunanda, the pelters will have to hold up a banner written in chaste English – we will, we will, lapidate you- to grab his attention. Enough time to liquidate the crooks aout to lapidate, the Army says.
3. KejriBall: Even the Kashmiri separatists are a worried lot when they take aim at KejriBall. Aware that he will have a month long stint in one of Bengaluru’s hospitals where he will lick his wounds before returning to Delhi and start asking for proof of Kashmir, Kashmiriyat, stone, stone pelting, and the lot, the pelters will shout slogans such as, “the proof of the pelting lies in the beating” before doing their deed. This is one personality about whom even the Kashmiris are one with the Nation, the Army has said.
4. Siddaramaiah: Responding to SOS from the beleaguered citizens of Karnataka, the Army has decided to pit the might of Kashmiri pelters versus Siddaramaiah’s insomnia. This is one battle that will be keenly watched.
5. RaGa: The Army wants to keep everybody in good humor. Even the stone pelters. The Army believes that with RaGa on the jeep, the pelters, if not from bullets will die of laughter seeing the most comic toon ever to walk the face of the earth!