The central government has just declared a jackpot for PhD scholars in IITs, IISc and NITs. Only for a few select scholars of course. You must be a registered member of Bajrang Dal. You will be paid $2M directly into your Bank of America account. Education minister feels that this will discourage the Scholars from fleeing BJP’s totalitarian regime and into land of freedom. The minister said, “We will give all the perks to them as if they are in the prestigious Purdue University. They will be paid in dollars, and a cushy apartment. Also a special discount card to buy booze in the nearby army canteen!”
Applications came pouring in from Islamic institute of Technology (IIT), Iranian institute of science (IISc) and Nigerian institute of technology (NIT).
The IISc PhD Scholars Association welcomed this move. President of the Association spoke from an MG Road pub “we hope the minister gives an extra $30K to pay for prostitutes. After all, engaging whores is cheaper than getting married!”.
Karnataka CM Siddaramaiah sulked “why don’t they include us, the intellectual CMs to the program? it will help us pay for helicopter taxis to cross Silk Board junction”.
Delhi CM Arvind Kejriwal quickly registered for a PhD program at IIT Delhi. He said “my graduate degree is from IIT. Now that I am registered for a PhD I am eligible for the $2M. I need the dough to pay Ram Jethmalini in the Jaitley defamation case. However, I am not a member of Bajrang Dal. If they reject my application I will go to supreme court again!”
Central Tax Minister Arun Jaitley expressed his happiness at this development “Now I can levy 78% GST on PhDs dollar income. We can narrow our current account deficit that way”.
Child welfare minister Maneka Gandhi expressed dissatisfaction on this special offer: “Over 40 crore children have no access to basic education in our country. Why handout millions to 29 year old PhD Scholars?”
BJP Union Higher Education Secretary Kewal Kumar Sharma countered Maneka Gandhi “Parents should worry about children and their oxygen supply. The government must pamper PhD adults since they can’t take care of themselves!”