New Delhi. The capital city and the country woke up to some great news as the government declared India officially poverty-free after an extensive research by a team of cyber experts couldn’t trace any documentary film on “poverty in India” directed by a foreign national that existed on the Internet.
“Did electrons exist before J J Thomson discovered it? and we all know there was no gravity till the apple fell on Newton’s head. This proves poverty in India is non-existent. If it still existed, these goras would certainly have made documentaries showing our poverty to win awards.”; said one spokesman of the government whose brain is to be sampled by scientists building an idiot.
When informed about the inhuman conditions in slums still existing across the capital and the country, officials dismissed the claims saying Indians were so used to poverty that even Mukesh Ambani’s antilla seemed like a slum-dwelling to them.
“Look, it doesn’t matter how many slums and beggars and homeless you come across daily. if poverty really exists, where is the documentary-directed-by-a-foreigner evidence? dikha? ho gayi bolti band?“; said one of the supporters of the claim.
It was also revealed that “slumdog millionaire” used special effects to create poverty out of perfectly liveable conditions and it was not made public since Danny Boyle had promised he would get A R Rahman an oscar to compensate for the defamation of India’s image.
When enquired why the fact was being made public now and not earlier, a cabinet minister said it was an attempt to bring Rahul baba back to the parliament as they missed him too much. Explaining the logic behind the decision, the minister said: “Rahul had said that poverty is a state of mind. but we have now proven that it is instead a state of visual effects. we’re hoping he’ll come out to defend the people with whom he has shared so many meals.”
A ban on begging will soon be effective as the government can’t risk a foreigner taking a selfie with beggars and uploading it on social media to disprove their theory.