BANGALORE (THE REAL FAKE NEWS)- Men’s Hostel residents woke up on Friday to some distressing news. After following government directives to link their Aadhar number to their Mess Coupons in order that they may avail of benefits such as lunch, chicken and egg, with, according to the menu, the latter coming first.
Outraged, many male students began a fast unto death. Protest leader, and guy who comes to dinner early just to get the best piece, Shubyanshu Sinha, said “We are tired of the despotic tyranny unleashed by MessComm, and we will stand for it no longer. A fast was the natural option, since there is nothing worthwhile to eat in the mess now anyway”. When asked whether he had got his Aadhar made, he bashfully said “Yes, yes, I’m going tomorrow”, a statement a close friend tells us he has been making for the past 6 months.
When interviewed, the Convenor of MessComm said, “It is simply the only decision we could have took. We are following the government’s lead. I mean, if the government can disallow BPL families from getting the ration they are entitled to because the electricity went out and a fingerprint scanner is not working, linking Aadhar to mess coupons is the least we can do. We all have to chip in. It’s a patriotic effort. Think of our soldiers at the border.”
At press time, we found a flourishing black market in omelettes, butter and milk between the students who had got their Aadhar cards made and those who had once read half of Atlas Shrugged and now claimed to be Libertarian.