Friday, 18th January, 2019

Riders rebranding Auto Rickshaws as Cadillacs to improve performance

27, Dec 2016 By Tejas Shinde

In what might well turn out to be the most revolutionary piece of automotive technology yet, auto riders have started rebranding their rickshaws as Cadillacs to improve acceleration figures and top speed significantly.

The not-so-humble-anymore auto rickshaws will now go from 0-100 kmph in 5.1 seconds and hit a top speed of 220 kmph. Automotive Engineers around the world have applauded the ingenious idea of a simple sticker as opposed to expensive investments in developing mechanisms.

The implementation has already been begun
The implementation has already been begun

Welcoming the move, all the auto rickshaw unions in India have started renaming themselves with the suffix racing, and are expected to challenge each other in the Auto GP at the Buddh International Circuit every year. F1 scion Bernie Ecclestone was stunned by the move, and has acknowledged the fact that he will be given a run for his money as the racing event increases in popularity and stature.

Lallan Taap Yadav, an autorickshaw rider was ecstatic. “Now we can cut past other vehicles faster than we ever did. We’ll be a kilometre past the other drivers before they can utter any desi cuss words. Less stress, more fun.” Another Rakesh Kumar couldn’t stop smiling as he declared, “The roads already belonged to our fathers. This will help reinstate this belief among the mortals in their swanky, slow pieces of worthless junk disguised as cars.”

While the update does to an extent mean improved services for the customer, the riders are now demanding a hike of upto 200% to the base fare. “Now I know what they meant when they said time is money,” said Wada Pao, the head of an auto rickshaw union in Mumbai.

The police are also keeping a close watch in and around the Bandra Reclamation area in Mumbai following a tip off about auto rickshaws in drag races in the area past 1 am on random days of the week every fortnight.

Inspired by this game changing move from the auto riders, taxi unions have also taken to rebranding Hyundai Santros as Mercedes Benz vehicles. They will go head to head with the autos and give Mumbai’s townies their own taste of breakneck speed.

While vehicle modifications haven’t been very popular in India, modifiers are now expecting their revenues to go through the roof. Meanwhile, Forbes magazine has predicted that printing stickers with logos of luxury car brands will be the next decade’s hottest startup idea.

While all that glitters might not be gold; it might well be worth more than a million times its weight in just that.