Abhinandan Sekhri to be canonised by Vatican

12, Sep 2018 By Kannan

Post his confirmation that Jesus Christ and Prophet Muhammad were indeed historical figures, Vatican released a press statement acknowledging Abhinandan Sekhri’s contribution to further the evangelical mission.

It is already in the public domain that Abhinandan had doubted Krishna’s existence but acknowledged both Christ and Muhammad were historical figures. The office of Pope is even considering to canonise Abhinandan Sekhri. If and when it happens, Sekhri would become the first Saint to be declared so while living on earth.

The saint of India
The saint of India

One official who was very, very close to the Pope, but preferred to be anonymous said this decision was a conscious one, subject to one condition. Though the informer refused to spell out the exact condition for Sekhri to become a living Saint, he referred to the issue of Christ’s birth and death. Apparently Vatican considers Sekhri as the reincarnation of one of the three wise men who travelled to Jerusalem to greet the infant Christ.

When asked what is new in Sekhri’s statement that Christ was a historical figure, the pontiff laughed. It is true that Christ was a historical figure. However, there always was a certain myth around his birth and death. We hope, Abhinandan Sekhri to use his good analytical skills and remove this myth.

However, the former Vatican man, who wanted Pope to resign from his post sent a mail to us saying that this decision is only to divert attention of the world media from the continuously popping up of various sex scandals involving many Bishops and all kinds of human beings from kids to old men and women. Apart from the diversion, canonising someone from India or China would also help the Church in its evangelical mission of harvesting souls. After Goa inquisition, the conversion rate of Indians has fallen to a very slow rate. Despite lures ranging from rice bags to study sponsorship in the Western countries, the rate of conversion remained low. Not even canonising Teresa could accelerate the growth rate of conversion. So, the Church is toying with the idea of having a “living saint”.

Efforts to reach Sekhri for his response have failed. Newslaundry office however, has replied that Sekhri is on a very important tsk of ‘converting’ mythology into history and cannot be disturbed.