Sunday, 16th December, 2018

'Cow smuggling will be legalised with full tax waiver, once Congress comes to power' - RaGa steals hearts

01, Aug 2018 By javidsouza
Cows waiting to be exported by their new owners to their future owners, while their original owner will be behind bars for worshiping it once RaGa becomes PM.
Cows waiting to be exported by their new owners to their future owners, while their original owner will be behind bars for worshiping it once RaGa becomes PM.

New Delhi: Congress President and future Prime Minister of India, Rahul Gandhi has won the hearts of the non-communal Indians in a single statement. This has been proclaimed as the biggest assault on the Sangh and BJP by his coterie.

Speaking at a press meet, the winking superhero with the twinkle in his kingly eyes, Rahul Gandhi, spoke at length about politics. ‘Modi might not know the power of our people. Our people had always loved and cherished the term Pappu. Every other boy is a Pappu, but can you show me a boy named Modi? This should be realised by Modi and RSS. They are not targeting a single Pappu, that is me. They are targeting the entire Pappustan.’

‘Another burning issue that worries me for the past four years is the behaviour of gaurakshak. These mobs lynch people. People who had been labelled as cow smugglers and cow thieves.’, the Prince with Golden heart paused to look at us reporters. Two female reporters fainted with an eternal aww in their mouth and they were sent to their NDTV office once their visa was verified.

‘Let me say this clearly. Cow smuggling will be made a legal job once Congress comes to power. We will not call it cow smuggling, we will call it discreet transfer of cow ownership. Sorry, it will be called Rajiv Gandhi Gau Ownership Yojana. Under this, all the new secular cow owners need not pay tax for revenue generated by transporting them across borders. No GST too.’ There was huge round of applause and Congress workers outside the press club started burning crackers and feeding cakes to posters of Rahul.

News channels were splashed with this historic announcement and cow smugglers future secular cow owners rejoiced at this announcement. Communal Cow owners were shocked, but could not express it outside due to fear of being labelled a Hindu.

Not all cow smugglers future cow owners were happy. ‘We were earlier scared of being lynched by the communal cow owners and protectors. That fear still resides in us. We will request our next PM to provide us legal protection when we carry on with our job, which could involve terminating the cow owners along with the ownership.’

A senior lawyer-cum-activist cleared their fears saying that ‘the secular future cow owners have those rights even now and they have the backing of liberals and seculars with them if they terminate the communal cow owners if they do not comply during the transfer of ownership’.