Mumbai: We got a data from our source that nearly 95% of the politicians who attend Iftaar parties every evening in some parts of their local area are not really breaking their fast there. The data also revealed a shocking info that they were not able to break their fast there, because they never held any fast in the first place.
To verify the authenticity of this data, we tried to reach out certain politicians directly at such Iftaar parties. We met a local politician Ram Sharad Varma from a secular party, who was giving a moving speech at one of the Iftaar party being held on the suburbs of this city. After his speech got concluded, we met him on the sidelines of the party. Follows our interview with that leader:
Faking News Reporter(FNR): Good Evening, Sir.
Ram Sharad Varma (RSV): Bhai, first ask my name na..
FNR: Ok, sir, but why name is needed now. We already know your name.
RSV: Achcha, but I have a responsibility to say my name. My name is Ram Sharad Varma.
FNR: Ok, sir. How does it matter here?
RSV: Arrey! I’m a Hindu and I’m hosting an Iftar party for my Muslim brothers. Is this not display of pluralism and secularism? See, I have worn skull cap on my head. Put this caption on your paper along with a pic of me surrounded by Muslim brothers. I’m also standing for next local body elections. Add that too na!
FNR: Ok, sir. It looks nice. But, are you really on fast?
RSV: Yes bhai. Bilkul. (lowers his voice) Not really.. hehe.. I just had hot and spicy briyani for lunch at one of the famous restaurant. That briyani is the best of all briyanis in all of the possible worlds. I spent 10 minutes smelling it before letting my hand touch it. Wah Wah! What a smell. What a taste. I could still taste it whenever I burp. Such a yummy briyani….Hmm..yumm..
RSV had lost himself so much in sharing his briyani experience with us that he forgot that he was actually saying it loud. Muslims, who were breaking their pious fast in that Iftar party, were actually seeing at the politician with much wrath. We poked RSV to remind him of this and he broke his sweat realising the deep shit he is into now. He immediately turned back and went to the stage and started bashing Modi to win back the votes he had lost a few moments ago.
Our reporters from various sections of city confirmed the data provided by our source that ‘most of the politicians like RSV do not hold fast and break Iftar, rather they carry on with their daily heavy-sized delicacies before landing on Iftar parties to gather their future votes’.