Wednesday, 13th November, 2019

Government to launch Direct Porn Transfer scheme

25, Apr 2013 By Ajayendar Reddy

In a bid to preempt any Supreme Court decision on banning internet porn and also to woo a large number of frustrated youth into its fold, it is learnt that the government is planning to launch a Direct Porn Transfer (DPT) Scheme.

“It will be a game changer for UPA in the next general elections,” said the Minister for Youth Affairs before revealing the motto “Apka porn aapke haath”. The government proposes to set up PDS (Porn Distribution System) outlets to deliver DVDs of porn to the people.

Engineering student Jagannath Mishra, who has a tattoo ‘apna haath jagannath’ on his forearm, said, “The proposal for porn ban is a proposal to take control of our lives literally out of our hands. This DPT scheme is a blessing for us and it will help us concentrate on our studies.”

A prominent TwitterNREGA activist of congress tweeted “What a genius idea! This scheme will end the Pappu-Feku debate in favour of Pappu.” He later realized his folly and deleted the tweet but not before it went viral and set the record for the most screen-shotted tweet ever.

The government is learnt to be keen on roping in Sunny Leone as the face of the scheme. The scheme, not surprisingly, found immediate backing from Karnataka legislators who wanted the scheme to be launched from Bangalore. Their innocuous plea to the Vidhan Sabha speaker to install DVD players in the building was immediately slapped down.

Rahul Gandhi, the youth icon of India, said that the scheme will surely draw almost all of the young first time voters, especially from the engineering colleges, towards congress. Mr.Gandhi is certain that the scheme will nullify all the NaMo propaganda on the internet which found great resonance with the youth and is causing quite a consternation within his party.

As soon as the first details of the scheme started emerging, there were immediate demands for reservations. However, this time, it was not Mayaji and Mulayamji demanding reservations for SCs and BCs. It was the Association of Engineering colleges demanding quotas for their students. Some colleges have also demanded that, for the scheme to be truly inclusive, the allotment should be in inverse proportion to the sex ratio in their colleges.

When approached for a comment, the conservative national party BJP called the scheme disgraceful which will further erode the moral fabric of our country. Subramaniam Swamy, whose dislike of Sonia and Rahul is legendary,  tweeted “After Pappu failed in politics, Congress is now playing ‘Pappu Politics’.