Rahul Gandhi nominated for Nobel – in Economics and of course, Peace

03, Sep 2018 By Kannan

Welcoming the latest insipid err… inspiring speech by Rahul Gandhi in the land of Hitler about the ill effects of unemployment, Martya Sen, the other Nobel winner in Economics wanted a Nobel in Economics to Rahul Gandhi too.

“It is refreshingly new idea!” Mr. Sen exclaimed flailing his hands in air in excitement. “Linking lack of employment to becoming terrorists is perhaps the most important observation made by any philosopher, thinker and a politician in the last century. In other words, Rahul ji has identified the root cause of the most devastating problem of the world – Terrorism. And, as Rahul ji explained, the cause was too simple despite the problem is so complex” he said with a smile on his face.

“After the famous Panch Sheel theory proposed by Pandit ji, no Indian could come up with such a lucid theory to address problems of the working world. Though Indira Gandhi’s ‘Garibi Hatao’ was a good slogan, it lacked the depth of understanding so could not qualify to become a philosophy in itself” he added. When one of the reporter wanted to explain this lengthy statement on Indira Gandhi, Martya laughed and advised him to listen to the caption in loop for 100 times. “It is a cryptic statement and only the intelligent like Rahul ji can comprehend it in the first instance”, he explained his advice but not his statement.

“Consider a world where everybody is having a job to do. If everyone is busy in their jobs, from where one can recruit terrorists. It would difficult to recruit even the ordinary stone-pelters. The solution Rahul ji proposed would solve both unemployment and terrorism, biggest two problems of the world. So, he deserves two Nobels, one for Economics and one for establishing World Peace” he concluded.

Seconding the nomination by Martya Sen was Bakra Baghdadi, inspirational leader of ISIS. He concurred with Rahul’s explanation of “unemployment created ISIS”. “Back in those days, all jobs in Arab countries were done by American expats and Indian workers leaving the native population with nothing to do but fighting. That was what we used to do. Even before ISIS came into existence, there were Saddam, Qaddafi who were providing employment to native Arabs by recruiting them into armies. Suddenly Amreecans came and the job market vanished in the desert storm. So, Osama had to take it upon himself to provide employment to our people. Later on, we took it over from him and expanded the job market” Baghdadi explained. Beaming with pride he continued “Now, our workers are so skilled they migrated to entire Europe and are one of the major workforce in Germany and France”.

When contacted over email, Germany chancellor Merkel had agreed with Bakra Baghdadi and accepted that the migrants from Middle East are fusing the Europe in the most sharp and pointed way, where otherwise the life was very dull.

Summarising all the views from all the places, Barkha Dutt too added her own experiences with misguided children of Kashmir, particularly the sons of school masters were turning into terrorists. The way Rahul Gandhi could express his opinion so effervescently, I could sense his confidence had increased more than that of Narendra Modi. If he gets these two Nobels before elections, chances of Mahagathbandhan forming a government in 2019 increase manifold, she opined.