New Delhi. Modi has announced his next plan for the nation’s improvement. “Defriendzonisation”.
Defriendzonisation (diːˈfrɪlɪt(ə)rʌɪz/) (verb): A process of removing guys from friendzones created by women.
Through this process effective midnight today, all the guys who are friendzoned will be declared as free souls. This will bring a small ray of hope that they will be considered for the position of boyfriend in the near future.
This move has been announced after analyzing the behavioral patterns of women who have more than one guy in their friendzone. This is also part of the black market. It demoralizes the guys. The friendzone is getting overpopulated. So to ease the suffering of the Indian youth, Modi has announced this scheme which will be aptly named “Friendzone Mukht Bharat”.
Under this scheme each girl will be allowed to have only one guy in the friendzone at a time. One guy can be friendzoned by only one girl. They friendzone victim’s Aadhar ID has to be provided to be updated in the UIDAI database (Unluckiest IDiot Advancing Incessantly). The girl has to bring him in personally to the registration centre. If the guy has to be friendzoned anonymously against his will, his fingerprints can be submitted from the greeting cards he has given to the girl. All the other guys she has friendzoned earlier will be deemed released back in to the wild for happy hunting. Their survival chance is very small after being held for a long time in captivity.
Also the numerous mobile recharges, movie tickets and pizzas paid for by the friendzone victim shall be reimbursed by the girl’s father. The victims will also be immune to firendzone for a period of 6 months to increase their chance of finding a girlfriend.
The youth of the nation have welcomed this move. The friendzone population of 30 crores is a big vote bank which has been sweeped by Mr. Modi to ensure his tenure till 2024. Also if the guys who are friendzoned are found to be involved in stalking or creepy talk, they will be provided work visa to work in Saudi Arabia. All paid by the government.